Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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