I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
