You're so nebulous sometimes
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
