In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize