I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
