I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
