Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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