Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
