I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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