Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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