Pants 0. Shit 1.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize