I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
