she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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