I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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