Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
