No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
