I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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