i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
