I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
