you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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