I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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