Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
