shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
