Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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