I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
