He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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