All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
