u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
