oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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