SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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