I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
