Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
