Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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