Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
