herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize