you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize