trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
