Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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