Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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