I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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