He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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