hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
