anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
