well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize