i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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