At least make sure they are 18
Why
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Gay?
German.
Pity.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
