I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
