I can feel you judging me through the phone.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
