He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
