JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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