Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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