never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
