I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
