yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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