I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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