Non-Jews are for practice
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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