hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
