in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
