i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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