we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
