I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
