You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
