How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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