# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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