i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
