they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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