She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize