just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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