he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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