put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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